My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
