I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
