Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
