ugly people sure do ruin things
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
