wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
