Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've blown a few things in my day
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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