i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
