I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
