Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Randomize
