im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
