i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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