so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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