Define "chronic" masturbator.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
