Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
