i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
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