I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
