the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
