why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have feelings that need drinking.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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