were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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