Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
