Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
