I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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