I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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