I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
