Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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