She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
