yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
