Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
