Are we in a gay sports bar?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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