She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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