a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
