your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
