he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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