this beer tastes like vomit already
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
