Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
