Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
