you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am available for nakedness
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
