I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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