so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
