I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
