I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
