I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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