man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
