you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I want a musical about memes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
