Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
