1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
