I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
