I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
