I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
