I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
