when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
